Prelude to a Dream
by Failure Turtle
Summary: Attitude Era fic. Two Divas that hate each other. Two sets of brothers that hate each other. Somehow, they all get tangled up in the same horrible web. JeffxTrishxChristian and EdgexLitaxMatt
1. Kazoos Totally Rule!

**A/N: Yes, **_**another**_** new story.**

**This one takes place IN KAYFABE because Spiffy's been bothering me to do one.**

**If you don't know what kayfabe means (because I've realized that a lot of you don't), it means that it takes place within the storylines. Meaning, the storylines are real. There is not "real life." Edge and Christian are brothers in this.**

**I can't remember who the commentators were, so I'm keeping it as JR and King on RAW. I think that's actually right, but I'm not sure.**

"Two thumbs down!" Edge yelled.

"Two thumbs totally down!" Christian concurred.

Edge and Christian were sitting with JR and King. They were the special guest commentators for the tag team match: The Hardy Boyz versus the Dudley Boys. Edge and Christian held the World Tag Team Championship. This match would determine who the number one contenders were.

"What are you giving a thumbs down to? That was an amazing display of Poetry in Motion!" JR raved.

"What are you talking about, JR? If Edge and Christian say that it gets a thumbs down, then it gets a thumbs down!" King refuted.

"No, King, it gets _two_ totally awesome thumbs down," Christian corrected. "After all, the Hardy Boyz are pretty much a couple of fantastic reekazoids."

"Correct you are, Christian," Edge agreed. "I think that Matt and Jeff Hardy just might be the most magical and fantabulous reekazoids to ever exist! The only reason that they're around is because the WWE is an equal opportunity employer. They need to fill their reekazoid quota for the year."

"Excellent explanation," Christian said, admiring his brother's elocution. "Shall we give them a two kazoo salute for being such reekazoids?"

"Wait until _after_ they lose, baby brother. Then we can follow it up with a five second pose!" Edge suggested.

"Well, isn't that just cruel," JR admonished the local pranksters.

"Jim Ross, quit being such a pansy," Christian said. "I know what will cheer you up!"

"And what is that?"

"I'll let you wear my glasses!" Christian said. He excitedly took off his huge goggles and placed them on JR's head.

"Get this off of me!" JR yelled, pulling the green and blue goggles off of his head and tossing them back at Christian.

"Jeez, you try to do something nice for someone…" Christian said, putting his goggles back on.

"GET THE TABLES!" D-Von and Bubba Ray yelled while in the ring.

"What? Earl Hebner, stop them!" JR called from behind the announcer's table. "This is not a hardcore match!"

King started laughing. "JR, do you really think that the Dudley Boys care? They just like smashing people through tables, and the crowd doesn't seem to disagree."

"If they smash Lita through the table, then I'll give the crowd a _ten_ second pose!" Edge said. Lita was standing in front of them, and she heard what Edge had said. She turned around and glared at Edge.

"Why do you hate me so much?" Lita asked, tossing her hands up in the air.

"Lita, why don't you just pull your pants up and watch as your boyfriend gets smashed though a table," Christian said, pointing to the other side of the ring.

Bubba Ray had already set up a table on the outside. They tossed Jeff on the outside. Bubba hopped back into the ring and they gave Matt a 3D to the outside of the ring, smashing him through the table.

Referee Earl Hebner called for the bell to be rung, disqualifying D-Von and Bubba Ray. Edge and Christian stood up and tossed down the headsets that they were wearing. "Come on, ref!" Christian yelled. "You reekazoid! That wasn't a disqualification!"

"You're going to let the Hardyz win for _that_?" Edge yelled.

The Dudley Boys hightailed it out of the arena after losing the match. Edge and Christian grabbed two microphones and jumped in the ring. Lita and Jeff were still on the outside of the ring, checking on Matt.

"This is a _very_ happy time," Christian started off.

"That is correct, dear brother," Edge said. "I think this calls for a song!"

"Indeed it does!"

Edge and Christian reached into their pockets and pulled out their kazoos. They stood up straight with their title belts strung over their shoulders. They faced the three on the outside of the ring and blew into their kazoos. They were playing the slow, funeral march.

Lita was the first to step up. Since Edge and Christian both dropped their microphones for their performance, Lita picked one up.

"You two are complete assholes!" she screamed. "Why would you do that? How would you feel if you got your asses kicked and people were playing music to celebrate?"

Christian started laughing hysterically. So hysterically, in fact, that he was rolling around on the canvas. "That is hilarious, Lita!" he said as he reached for a microphone. "We're the tag champs. We don't _get_ our asses kicked."

Trish ran down to the ring and attacked Lita. "What the hell is this for?" Christian asked.

"Shh, Christian. This reeks of awesomeness!" Edge said, tossing his arm out in front of Christian.

Jeff jumped up and separated the ladies. "Aw, Jeff, you party pooper," Edge frowned.

"No cake and soda for you!" Christian threatened.

After Jeff untangled Trish and Lita, two thirds of Team Xtreme left the arena. The medics came down to help Matt out. Trish hopped in the ring to join Edge and Christian. She gently took the microphone away from Christian's hands and brought it up to her own mouth.

"Christian, do you think we should tell them?" Trish innocently asked.

"Tell _them_ what?" Edge wondered. He had no idea what his little brother was up to.

"Listen up, everyone! Trish and I…are dating!" Christian announced to the crowd. The crowd booed back at them as they hugged in the ring.

Edge rolled his eyes. "Good job, little brother. Really, I didn't know you could land something this awesome." Edge walked to the other side of the ring and peered down at Matt Hardy being tended to by the medics. "Christian, we never did our five second pose!"

"You're right, Edge!" Christian remarked, breaking away from Trish.

Edge and Christian hopped out of the ring and scared all of the doctors away. After all, who would want to mess with the tag team champs?

Edge and Christian each lifted a leg and did a Captain Morgan like pose on Matt Hardy's stomach and Trish cheered them on from inside the ring.

**A/N: Kind of rushed, I know. But this was mostly a set up chapter. Everything will pan out…eventually.**

**Review.**


	2. Reekazoidical Gearbox

**A/N: I lost it on this one, I really did.**

Matt and Jeff stood in the middle of the ring. Matt had his arm around Lita who was clinging onto him for dear life. "What the Dudleys did to us last week is in the past. It's over and done with. If they come out here and attack us because they aren't the new number one contenders for the World Tag Team Championship…well, that's their own damn fault, now isn't it? Now, the only things that we have standing in between us and holding the World Tag Team Championship are Edge and Christian."

Almost as if on cue, Edge and Christian waltzed down to the ring with their tag team belts and kazoos in hand, Trish Stratus not too far behind. Then again, they _were_ just waiting for the right opportunity to crash the party.

"Is this your sad attempt at a celebration?" Edge asked, tooting on the kazoo a bit.

"We're not celebrating anything," Lita answered.

"Yeah, it's just as I thought. They don't _know_ how to party," Edge said, rolling his eyes and placing the kazoo securely in his pocket.

"That's because they're a bunch of gearboxes, Edge. How many times to I have to tell you?" Christian sighed.

"Shut up, little brother. I'll have mom bend you over her knee and spank you for talking to me like that."

"Whoa! Quit your little family argument. I don't want to hear about your mom spanking you," Jeff interrupted, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hardy, why don't you just go away and buy more makeup," Trish jeered at the younger Hardy.

"You should follow your own advice, Trish. _You're_ the one coming out here looking like a hag," Jeff retorted.

"Whoa, don't talk to my lady like that!" Christian said, stepping in between Jeff and Trish while she ran her hand down his back.

"She doesn't need you to defend her, Christian. Trish can handle her own problems," Lita interjected.

"Stay out my business, bitch," Trish rattled.

"Everybody settle down!" Edge yelled, trying to be the voice of reason, which was funny since he never really made any sense…ever. "Look, how about we have a little inter-gender tag team match tonight. It's 2000, for crying out loud. It's the new millennium. The women can handle themselves, but that doesn't mean that _we_ can't intervene. How about…_Jeff_ and Lita against Trish and Christian. Matthew and I can sit ringside with the lovely JR and King to make sure that things don't go awry. Does that sound okay?"

The group of six all looked around at each other and nodded in their agreement.

"Good," Edge said, and then turned to Christian. "Little brother, make sure to keep Lita away from your private area. It's no big secret that she is _very _well skilled in the art of suckitude."

"Dude!" Christian replied and high-fived his older brother as Trish giggled along. Lita stormed up the ramp ahead of Matt and Jeff, clearly embarrassed from the outburst.

The cameras didn't want to miss a thing, so they followed the six backstage as they were sure that the chaos would ensue.

One set of cameras followed Team Xtreme, and another set followed Edge, Christian, and Trish.

"I don't _want_ to fight Trish," Jeff whined, slinking up against the wall.

"Well, you _were_ really mean to her out there," Lita consoled, patting his back.

"It's not my fault that I like her. I liked her way before that Christian jerk got to her."

"She's not worth it, dude," Matt sighed.

_Meanwhile_

"When are you going to bang Lita?" Christian asked.

"Christian! That is no way to talk to the ladies! I can't believe Trish puts up with you."

"Are you turning into a reekazoid on me?" Christian asked, worried about his brother's sanity.

"If I gave you some soda, would you shut up?"

"…Yes."

_Later_

Matt sat next to King whilst Edge sat next to JR. The two ladies started off the match. Trish led the fight with a vicious slap across Lita's face, who then tackled the blonde bitch.

"Go get her, honey!" Christian cheered from the corner.

Lita ended up getting to Jeff before Trish could get to Christian. Jeff reluctantly stepped in between the top two ropes and stood face to face with Trish Stratus.

If it was a mixed tag match, Christian would have to step in for Trish and try to beat the hell out of Jeff Hardy. Since it was an inter-gender match, Jeff could do what he pleased to Trish without fear of disqualification.

It was just too damn bad that taking her out on a date wouldn't entertain the fans any.

Christian jumped in the ring right when Jeff did. He picked up Trish and carried her away. "No! What do you think you're doing, you reekazoidical gearbox? Don't you dare _touch_ my girlfriend! I can't believe I agreed to this!"

By the time Edge got up from his seat, Christian and Trish were already backstage and counted out for the loss.

Matt joined the other two thirds of Team Xtreme in the ring and could only look at each other in confusion.

**A/N: Yep, finally updated.**

**Review.**


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